Not Knowing Exactly How Doesn't Stop Tennis Team From Supporting Teammate
Kotsyuba's concerns are with family and friends back in Ukraine
The normal schedule is by days of the week. Each day will tell Anastasiia Kotsyuba what time tennis practice is, if there is a conditioning session on tap and what classes she will attend.
For the native of Odessa, Ukraine, specific days no longer exist. Just the number.
“It’s the seventh day of war. I’m just counting the days,” Kotsyuba said after Wednesday’s workout. “I don’t know what day it is, I just know it’s the seventh day of war, that it’s been going on for seven days.”
Now it’s nine days. She is 5,900 miles away from her family and friends, which has been hard enough to cope with for the three years she’s been part of the Colorado State women’s tennis team. The distance can be hard, but they tried to close the gap via the phone.
She would talk to her mother, Mariia, and her father, Volodymyr, by voice or text numerous times a week. Now it’s nearly constantly through the day since Ukraine was first attacked by Russia, an offensive which has always been threatened, but one Nastia, as she's known to her teammates, never really believed would transpire.
Now, it’s all too real.
“I’m terrified. I’m not just scared, I’m terrified,” she said. “Every time I’m picturing something might happen. It’s not like summer and you’re far away. The first day my mom texted me, I was doing my homework, just a normal day, it was 8 p.m. here. And she texted me, ‘I think the war started because I heard explosions.’ I opened the news and Putin had started the war. I was like, wow, it can’t be true. I denied the fact, thought it couldn’t be true, it was something else happening. Then there were more and more pictures on the internet, my friends started texting me, a friend posted a story about a friend of hers who got shot just driving. How my other friend was crossing the border and they were firing from the air. Those are real stories of people I know, and then I look at the pictures and I know it might come at any point.
“I feel helpless. I feel helpless because I’m here, and the only thing I can do is inform them, nothing else. They cannot escape because my parents need to take care of my grandma and granddad. It’s like they’re sitting there waiting for something to happen.”
So, too, is Nastia. And fearing the worst.
What do you say to your friend, your teammate, in this moment?
This has been unchartered territory for the team, very much a new collection of people and experiences. The coaches are in their first year. Most of the players, too. Nastia is one of two returning players on the roster, the other being Tracy Guo.
It is a group which comes from across the globe, but primarily made up of Europeans, young women who understand the politics and history of the area. Sarka Richterova and Radka Buzkova are from the Czech Republic, Matea Mihaljevic from Croatia and Lucia Natal from Spain. Somer Dalla-Bona is from Australia, Sarah Weekley from New Zealand. They were brought together in the fall, but credit head coach Mai-Ly Tran and assistant Taylor Hollander for helping them develop a tight bond in a short amount of time.
Still, it doesn’t mean somebody knows exactly what to do or say.
“It’s hard. No one really knows what to do,” Richterova said. “No one really knows how to support her. It’s just trying to be nice, giving her chocolate, being understanding, trying to bring her thoughts to another topic and just being there for her. It’s trying to be positive always, and being there so she’s not alone.”
When I see something horrible happen, or see a house burned, I just start crying. Sarka quietly walks to me, gives me chocolate, hugs me and walks back. It’s little things that make you feel better and feel like you’re not alone in this cruel world.Anastasiia Kotsyuba
They also showed their support by attending a rally Thursday in support of Ukraine. The majority of the team, including Tran, attended the event in Old Town, standing side by side with Nastia, holding up signs and listening intently to those who spoke.
Being alone, Nastia said, is torture. When she is, she can’t find an escape, a distraction. Part of her doesn’t want find one at certain times of the day, the time when her family and friends – nine time zones away – are sleeping. She wants them to get some rest, so she doesn’t.
She sleeps, on average, about three hours a day. When her family is resting, she is scouring the news so she can send them updates if she needs to about troop movements or attacks taking place close to home. So her teammates decided she shouldn’t be alone, and she’s basically moved in with Buzkova, Richterova and Weekley into their three-bedroom apartment.
“They’re new, but because it’s Europe and they’re also like scared, they’re into the news. We were informing Tracy and Sarah about Europe, and we talk about it more and more, we talk about what can make this a better world and protect it,” Nastia said. “It’s been really helpful to have all these people with me. I knew I could text them at any time and tell them I need help. Basic things like making food, doing laundry, it gets difficult. I use their clothes a lot. I come into their apartment, they give me clothes, and towels … Sarka gave me her room. I was at their place, and they have a couch and they each have a room, but Sarka said, ‘go to your room’ -- she’s already calling it my room. I feel like I’m always welcome there, and I can come any time and rely on them if I’m stressed. We all talk through that, so it helps me feel a little bit better. If I was alone, I don’t know if I could do it.
“It’s little things. I read the news, because I need to check the news, especially when it’s late, so when I get a notification -- and I follow about eight news channels -- and I read it right away. When I see something horrible happen, or see a house burned, I just start crying. Sarka quietly walks to me, gives me chocolate, hugs me and walks back. It’s little things that make you feel better and feel like you’re not alone in this cruel world.”
Tran cannot comprehend what Kotsyuba is going through, and she’s not alone. There is no section in a coach’s manual for moments like this, so all she can rely upon is simple human kindness to guide her as to what she can provide.
Options are a start. One look at Kotsyuba will tell you she is not just stressed, but sleep deprived. She wants nothing more than to be with her family right now, but at the same time, they are so glad she is not. She is sure if she was, they would have sent her away -- her half-sister on her father’s side, as well as a half-brother and aunts and uncles -- already crossed the border to leave the country.
“They’re glad I’m here. They’re glad I’m safe,” she said. “If I was there, they would want me to leave. It’s terrifying what’s happening. I know my dad would want me to leave somewhere to Europe. They’ve been attacking civilians, and many people have died. It scares me a lot, and I see all of this video on the internet of kids dying. What have kids have done? Nobody is protected.”
Mariia developed a fever, Nastia believes from the stress, and with pharmacies and stores closed as the city braces for the worst, it made it hard for Volodymyr to find her medication. It makes it difficult for them to take care of her grandparents, though she has some aunts and uncles helping.
They still live in the only house Nastia has ever known, the one the family moved into when she was 1-year old. It’s a house which would look different, as her parents have removed any glass from any furniture, just in case, to protect themselves and the family pets. They have easy access to the basement, and the first floor is basically without windows, so it feels somewhat safe, too.
When night falls, it is a scary time for them, and Nastia wants her family to sleep as much as they can. So she remains awake to comb all the news agencies she’s following, so she can alert them to any new developments.
“It’s hard. I just barely sleep, because I need to make sure my parents and my friends don’t get bombed when they’re sleeping,” she said. “I read them news. I spend like 18 hours a day on the phone, so I can check and make sure everything is fine and the troops and soldiers are not moving closer to my home town, and I’m checking on my friends from other cities. The girls have been helping me a lot, because they realize I can’t sleep in my apartment. When I’m alone, I cannot get distracted and I keep watching more news, keep looking at more pictures, more videos, all these horrible things happening, and I stop sleeping when I’m home.”
Tennis practice can be a momentary reprieve, but not much. It allows her a few moments of laughter at times, but her thoughts always return to home. Afternoon practices are better, because that’s when her family is awake, but when the Rams practice at 9 p.m. a couple nights a week, Tran allows leeway under the circumstances.
Nastia will go check her phone, every 10 minutes, just in case there may be news to pass along. Odessa is a key city, a major port on the Black Sea, and there has been fighting nearby in Mykolaiv and Kherson. If those cities fall, Nastia said, the people in Odessa believe they’ll be next.
“It’s been difficult for Nastia, and her teammates and us as coaches,” Tran said. “Our first instinct was to support her the best we can. Every single day we’re checking in with her, giving her all the resources we can. I think she feels very supported, but it’s knowing this is nothing we could imagine or understand how she feels. It’s just trying to be empathetic in that way.
“She’s an amazing person, and I think that’s why it’s so easy to be there for her. I think we all feel lucky we’ve been able to be on the same team with her and be there for her in this moment nobody could prepare for. She’s been incredibly strong, her response at practice and training. She’s been able to stay strong in front of all of us, and I admire that, because I don’t know if I could be that strong in her position. It’s hard on both sides. You don’t want to ask too much, but you want to make sure she’s OK.”
The support she’s received has not only come from those closest to her, but even some people she doesn’t know. Tran receives messages from fans and community members and passes them along. The first came from Director of Athletics, Joe Parker, stressing any and all help the administration could provide was available to Nastia. Her professors understand what’s going on, she said, so they don’t hassle her if she is checking her phone in class.
What is going on back home has made it nearly impossible for her to focus on schoolwork, but she’s trying. Part of it is the lack of sleep and the constant searching for news on her phone or laptop. She is thousands of miles away and she feels completely helpless, so she tries to do for her family what she can.
She has to look at her phone, but she’s also afraid turn it on. She has no idea what she’ll see next. She’s seen before-and-after pictures of places she knows so well, and they are hard to recognize. She feels for a friend of hers who can now differentiate between gun fire, anti-aircraft fire and bombing. She checks in on others who are volunteering to protect their country and also supply what aid they can to those in need.
She just has to check. It also makes her sad to know that also on her phone is the plane ticket and travel itinerary for May, when she planned to return home after the season and see her loved ones.
Right now, it’s a trip she’s sure she will have to cancel, which, like everything else, adds to the hopelessness and fear she’s feeling. While she understands no one around her is quite sure what to say, how to say it or even approach her, but she would tell them what they are doing is perfect.
Nastia feels loved, cared for and supported. They are the blessings she counts on as she counts the days.
Nastia has been asked by people how they can show their support to the people of Ukraine. This is the link she shares with them.
https://csura.ms/3II4kOw