Pendleton-Helm's Impact Reaches Beyond The Diamond
Assistant coach honored with Rainbow Inspiration Award
She spends her weekends in season charting pitches.
Balls and strikes. What was thrown, what count and then crunches all the numbers. She looks for anything which can make the pitchers at Colorado State have a bigger impact on the game.
This isn’t a practice Dedeann Pendleton-Helm uses in her personal life. The Rams’ longtime pitching coach has never counted the people who walk in her office to talk, to confide in her and wondered what about the impact.
“Coach P just really accepts everybody. She creates a safe environment at practice to every single person on the team, no matter what their beliefs are, what their religion is, how they identify,” pitcher Taylor Gilmore said. “She is always someone you can go talk to, even if she doesn’t identify or believe in the same things. She really has a heart of gold. You can call her in the middle of the night if you’re going through something, and she will answer and talk to you. She really just cares about the wellbeing of not just the athletes, but every single person.”
But other people notice. Her own players know student-athletes from other program seek her out. The athletic administration at Colorado State has taken note of her outreach efforts and are thankful to have her on staff.
The CSU Pride Resource Center did, presenting her with the Rainbow Inspiration Award, which recognizes a CSU faculty of staff member based on their contributions, involvement and impact on the local LGBTQIA+ community. It was given to her at the Lavender Graduation on Friday, April 29, a ceremony Pendleton-Helm had to rush to after the Rams beat Nevada in the first of a three-game set.
The next day, the softball program held the inaugural Pride Game and recognized their coach and the award she had been presented.
Pendleton-Helm was on a conference call when Maggie Hendrickson, the interim director of the Pride Resource Center, asked if she had seen the email about the honor. Pendleton-Helm didn’t recall it, and in her defense, much of her week in season is focused on the next opponent. So, she went back, found it and was taken aback by the recognition.
The reason: She never thinks about the influence she has had on so many lives. Not just the student-athletes she mentors, but the conversations she has with athletic administration to try to create a more inclusive environment.
“I went back and was just honored and humbled. Shocked,” she said. “I think I just try to push in small amounts and have conversations a lot behind the scenes. You kind of push, push, push but stay quiet about it. I didn’t realize people thought about me in that light. You don’t think about that.
“You keep trying to push the issues a little bit and have more equality. I’ve been in this department a really long time. I coached here three years prior, and now this is my 17th season. I also come from a time when being out was really scary. I think from that piece, I was, ‘OK, I guess I am making an impact,’ and I don’t think I realized that.”
Senior Associate Athletic Director Shalini Shanker, who is the Senior Women’s Administrator, relies on Pendleton-Helm to be vocal and forthcoming. In meetings, she knows Pendleton-Helm will speak up and share her personal experiences around campus and the conversations she has with student-athletes, topics not every assistant coach is comfortable addressing.
As a sport administrator for softball, Shanker conducts exit interview with seniors. Never once has she heard a player have anything negative to say about Coach P, most of them expressing their love for the mentor she has been for them. To Shanker, it’s no wonder other athletes seek out her guidance.
“I think it speaks to the type of person she is, that she’s trustworthy, she’s honest and she cares about you. It’s a testament to who she is,” Shanker said. “I’m really happy she’s been on our staff for as long as she has been.
“In becoming the liaison for Athlete Aly, I know it’s specific to student-athletes, but it has her engaged with other things, such as the Pride Game or working with the office of inclusive excellence. She’s a proponent of helping the university as a whole. She wants things to be better for everyone and wants to get to that place in any way she can.”
I think the safety of feeling that and knowing you’re supported will take weight off people’s shoulders.Dedeann Pendleton-Helm
Pendleton-Holm is closing in on her third decade of coaching, most of it at Colorado State, her two stints broken up by a seven-year stay at Ole Miss. Her desire to be a sounding board and be the type of coach who considers every aspect of the student-athlete took place immediately.
When she played at Creighton in the mid-1990s, she was surrounded by coaches who took that same approach, others who were more about the game and getting better. She called herself a bit of a “wild child” when she enrolled, but her coaches took a chance on her and it paid off for the Bluejays and herself. So, her firm belief is the happier her players are as people, the better they will perform on the field.
Gilmore was a transfer when she joined the Rams, and her experience at her previous school left her questioning herself and her place in the sport. In Pendleton-Helm, she found somebody who helped her find the answers.
“For me, softball’s always been a little bit stressful, making sure you show up and do the right thing. The bullpen is where her and I spend the most time together, and every day when I come in, the first question is always asks is, ‘how is your day, how are you feeling,’ instead of what we’re working on,” Gilmore said. “She wants to know what head space you’re in before she starts working with you. There have been days where I have showed up and we’ve talked for 30 minutes instead of pitching for 30 minutes because I couldn’t focus on pitching because I was struggling with something. She also gives the best hugs. If you need a hug, no matter what, she gives you this big, tight hug and it makes you feel safe and accepted, that everything is going to be OK.”
Having every athlete on campus feel safe is one of Coach P’s biggest goals.
She said she played in a different time, when keeping certain aspects about your personal life to yourself was heavily stressed. Coming out was definitely not encouraged, and any relationships she had were kept quiet. It made growing up and finding a place where she was comfortable with who she was difficult.
She doesn’t want this or future generations to feel the same way, and she’s glad she’s in a position to lead change. A year ago, she took the step to add her married partner, Dr. Heather Pendleton-Helm, to her bio page. She told both Shanker and Director of Athletics Joe Parker she wanted to do so, figuring if anybody would have to field phone calls, they would.
They both told her they’d gladly take that call every day, but so far, the topic has never been broached.
Recently, Gilmore had talked to her about wanting to come out publicly, and Pendleton-Helm spoke with her at length about the decision and what it would or could mean. She encouraged her pitcher, but also warned her, yet she was enlightened to see a world of positive feedback.
“I mean, even for me that day, I just kind of took it all in. They day after, I really let the emotions take over and was so overwhelmed by the acceptance,” Pendleton-Helm said. “It’s exactly what I said, seeing all those people and the support says I see you, and I think that piece is so important. For these athletes to be able to just be seen and be themselves, for me, I think about my college career and how I was a little bit out, but I wasn’t fully out. Then I even think about the relationships I had at that time, and they were guarded so much, just because of my identity. These athletes are being so bold and being able to be themselves and having open relationships, and their teammate are supporting them. I have a little bit of jealousy, I guess, but I’m so excited they don’t have to focus on hiding.
“I think that’s the biggest part, is having a safe space. I know for me, when I see the safe-zone training sticker on somebody’s door, I know that’s a safe place. That’s where in the past I’ve pushed, for safe-zone training for us here. I know those athletes, when they’re walking around anywhere in this building and they see that symbol, they know that coach or staff member is safe, they’re going to accept me. I think the safety of feeling that and knowing you’re supported will take weight off people’s shoulders.”
Gilmore is grateful for the personal impact Coach P has had on her life, but she really admires what she’s done for so many on campus. Not just in the bullpen or the softball locker room, but the outreach she has through Athlete Aly and what it means to the entire CSU community, even in Fort Collins.
The Pride Game was something Pendleton-Helm has wanted to see for some time, but she never was sure it would come to fruition. Gilmore saw firsthand the support it received in the athletic department, but she was encouraged by the support from those across campus who came to attend an event she hopes to see become more common.
“It means so much, not only to me. I’m very confident in who I am, but there are a lot of people who aren’t,” Gilmore said. “There are a lot of people at this school, in this community, in this nation who are not comfortable with who they are, whether that is because of personal beliefs or family issues, so for her to work behind the scenes to bring it to more of a public level, it shows people it’s OK to be who you are. We struggle with that, and we get caught up in our own minds and beliefs, but to see somebody go behind the scenes and standup for what she believes in, what she thinks is right, gave me the courage to also do that.
“She stood up for the Pride Game. After that I do think there are people who feel like it’s ok to be who they are for the first time in their life. I respect her so much for that.”
Pendleton-Helm sees change happening. There is more to come, but in the past five years, she’s seen more support on campus and within the athletic department, all of which has her hopeful.
The advances mean so much to Pendleton-Helm, what they mean in her life, but more importantly, to those she coaches and reaches. Just don’t expect her to sit down and figure out what her mission has meant to others. Other people can keep track and give her awards, and it will make her wonder. Even smile a bit.
What she does fully understand is a happy player, someone who is more confident in who they are and can be, is more apt to throw first-pitch strikes, and that’s good for the Rams. An 0-1 start is a pretty safe place for a pitcher to start, and for Coach P, that’s a feeling she wants everybody to experience.