Keeping the Name, Changing the Intent
Freshman Carlson will represent her mother on Saturday
Mike Brohard
At that age, at that moment, it’s significant. In some ways, a young athlete feels they’ve arrived.
At any age, at that moment, you’re frightened. In every way, you know you have to fight.
“The first diagnosis was 2008 and it was non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, stage 4. It was quite an adventure,” Mary Carlson said. “I had lost 70 percent of my bone mass, so I was not in a very good state.
“For about two years I had fought these pains I would have. I was a runner, and I still did that in my adult life, one of those things I loved, and it came very easy to me. I would start to have pains in different parts of my body. I remember going to my internist, and at one point she thought I was chronic. I’m a pretty tough cookie, and pain sits in the back for me. I remember I couldn’t walk across the street without extreme pain. But all the biopsies came back fine.”
Another day, another appointment for an injection in her knee, but doctors decided to do a bone scan, just in case. They didn’t expect anything, but it was best to rule it out.
When the results came back, they rushed Mary to the emergency room, expecting her femur to snap in two at any moment. That was in January of 2008.
“They admitted me and thought I had bone cancer. About four surgeries later – a lot of titanium in my body keeping my femur and hips together and my humerus and my neck,” Mary said. “The journey started at that point.”
She would remain in the hospital for nearly four months. Surgeries were performed. Therapy began. So did chemotherapy and radiation. All the while, she attempted to keep life as uncomplicated as possible for her family.
It was at the hospital where she and her husband, Steve, celebrated Brooke’s second birthday, and the eighth birthday of their older son, Blake.
“It was pretty scary. Stage 4 is a very frightening thing, but I was very fortunate I had the bench and the support from everyone,” Mary said. “Not just my family, but from my friends and extended family. I went through a year and a half of chemo treatments, two phases. One was very intense; you go through that journey where you get your treatment that day, you come home and feel like crap. You feel like crap for two weeks and then you start to feel better, and then boom, you have to go through that poison all over again. Then I had radiation and a year’s worth of maintenance. During that, it was a roller coaster. You’re trying to raise two small kids and keep it intact.
“I went back to work; I’ve worked for the same company (Bank of America) for 27 years. I had gone back and gotten into my routine of working and raising children and a family, then to find out it was back. I was at my eight-year mark, and they found it again. This time it was on my left femur.”
If you were to ask me in 2008 if I would ever dream of seeing my daughter play in college, I probably would have told you no. I didn’t think that was going to be the outcome, so I feel blessed every single day.Mary Carlson
This is the part of the journey Brooke is more familiar with. At age 2, you don’t really understand. At age 10, you can comprehend. You can sense things in other people, especially your mom. Definitely her brother, because Blake was once again scared, having remembered it all from the previous diagnosis.
“Blake was going through it a lot. He remembered both times,” Brooke said. “When you’re older, he had a big understanding of what possibly could happen. He kept it going. He always kept on a face for me. He never acted different, so I feel he was always trying to make me more positive about the situation.
“When I was 2, I really didn’t know what’s going on. I was sad because I didn’t get to see my mom all the time. My dad took us to a Cubs game to bring us some joy. I remember sitting in my bedroom and my mom came into my room and said, ‘I need to tell you something.’ I asked, ‘is your cancer back? ‘And she said yes, and I just started bawling my eyes out. I understood more at that time. It was hard to get that news. Honestly, I started getting more of an understanding when she had it again. I saw how much she struggled then, and it wasn’t as bad as the first time. There was more understanding then, and then through time, they exposed me more to it, but I don’t think they wanted to show me it all.”
The journey. That’s what cancer warriors call the battle. The word encompasses everything. The pain and the emotion. The down days and the rare ones when they actually feel strong. Through it all, especially if they have young children, there’s front they put on display.
Positivity. Hope. Push back the negative thoughts, the worst-case scenarios. Be strong. For me. For them, because that’s what they need.
“Brooke the second time, I would say that was more real to her. Blake on the other hand saw everything,” Mary said. “He knew the first time it was really bad. When we told him again, he kind of freaked out and Brooke responded to his emotional take. We had conversations with them: It’s OK, I made it through the first time, this is nothing, we have this. It’s very real to them. They don’t show it.
“They don’t want to show that they’re hurting. They want to be as tough as you’re trying to be for them. I know it was more emotional for Blake because he was reliving the past. For Brooke, this is scary, but mom seems OK and positive, so she took that lead.”
Saturday, Colorado State’s women’s basketball team will take part in the annual Fight Like a Ram game when they host Air Force. The partnership between the athletic department and UCHealth has taken the idea of bringing awareness to a disease and personalizing the focus on those who are on the front line.
Both of CSU’s basketball teams take a day where they remove their names from the back of their jerseys and represent a member of the community who is undergoing a journey of their own.
CSU women’s coach Ryun Williams said it is a game where he knows his team will not be at their best. It would be impossible due to the emotions. Prior to the game, there are letter readings between players and warriors, a Zoom call where both sides share their stories.
It affects his team, which is why he’d never give the game up.
“Hell no. This is the best thing we do,” Williams said. “It is so much more than just basketball. I think what our kids and our coaches get out of this month is a million times more than what they can get out of a win or a loss.
“For that day, I hope (the warriors) feel a little more loved, they feel a little more supported. Maybe those two hours during that game and it’s a heated battle, maybe they’re not thinking about their fight. Hopefully, that’s a good thing. To be able to do that for our community, I know our kids take great pride in it. It is very emotional, and I think we’ve had to learn over the years how to harness that a little bit and not let it overly affect how we compete and make sure it’s a positive.”
Through the years, some of the men’s and women’s players have built relationships with the warriors they represent. Some stay in touch via text or social media. Others continued to meet occasionally for coffee.
Unfortunately, some have also felt the loss of their warrior.
A lot of me is her. Especially seeing how much other people can go through and you think I’m not going through half as much.Brooke Carlson
Last year, Marta Leimane wore the name of teammate Taylor Ray, as she wanted to support her friend. Ray, who was diagnosed in high school, is currently at Black Hills State and still very much in a fight.
As Mary and Brooke will attest, support and encouragement are some of the greatest gifts a warrior and their family can receive during the journey.
“It definitely was harder to control my emotions. I’m still friends with Taylor, and she’s going through it, fighting every day,” Leimane said. “When you know them personally, it’s so hard. I built a really good relationship with my warrior two years ago, and unfortunately, she passed away.
“You can always support them, always be there for them. All the people for whom we wear their names on our jersey are so strong. It motivates me and makes me appreciate things more in life. It really makes me emotional, and it means a lot to me. I’ve never done anything like this in my life. I think the program is amazing for doing this. I hope it means a lot for those warriors. It means so much for me to wear their name and support them.”
It's why Leimane knows what Brooke is about to do is going to hit her a bit differently than the rest of the team. As a freshman, Brooke didn’t know anything about the program and the uniqueness of the game, but when she found out, she immediately asked the team’s director of operations, Marcie Johnston, if she could represent her mom. Johnston, being who she is, made sure it could happen.
A moment Mary wasn’t sure she would ever witness after being diagnosed the first time.
“Fortunately, my second diagnosis was only Stage 2, so I only had to do radiation at that point. It became very apparent I’ll never be free and clear,” Mary said. “I’m a cancer patient, not a survivor. My non-Hodgkins will be with me forever, so it’s the way I have to manage my life and not think of the negatives but think of the very fortunate things. If you were to ask me in 2008 if I would ever dream of seeing my daughter play in college, I probably would have told you no. I didn’t think that was going to be the outcome, so I feel blessed every single day.”
She will do so on Saturday. So will Steve, Blake and about 14 other friends and family members. They provided the support she needed every step of her journey. And in the process, she has shown them the living definition of strong.
“A lot of me is her. Especially seeing how much other people can go through and you think I’m not going through half as much,” Brooke said. “I need to give it my all, 100 percent, all the time. My brother was like that. When I watched him play, that’s how he was. I think we both got that from my mom and seeing how strong she was.”
The woman who never missed a game. The one who planned special shopping getaways on Sundays. The person who would rebound for Brooke when she wanted to get some extra shots in. The woman she witnessed put on a brave face when they went to radiation treatments and doctor’s appointments.
At that age, in that moment, the name on the jersey is all about you. As Brooke’s game grew along with her, through a 2,000-plus point high school career and all-state honors, the name had started to branch out. She was a Carlson, and for that she was damn proud.
Now, at this age, in the upcoming moment, the name on the jersey is not hers. It belongs solely to the person who gave her a shining example of the person she wants to be. The person she wants to emulate.
Williams has seen Brooke have freshmen moments on the court. He’s also witnessed her play with poise and tenacity well beyond her years at times. Through it all, he’s been proud of the way she’s handled it all, but he’s not sure he’s ever been prouder of her than when she made the decision to play for her mom.
Brooke and Mary have a feeling of what is coming on Saturday, and they have chosen not to talk about it prior to the game. Brooke wants no part of it, knowing she would be an emotional wreck when she stepped on the court. She wants to be at her best, just the way mom showed her.
At this point, in that moment, the name will look a little different than it has in all the previous games. It used to be her daughters, and she was a fine representative of the family. This time, Brooke has chosen it to represent Mary.
“It’s going to hit home,” Mary said. “When I talk about my journey and how it evolved, Brooke was just a baby. It’s going to mean a lot to me.
“It was like when you sit back and think about it, huh, we did something right.”
Support Colorado State Athletics: Tickets | Ram Club | Green And Gold Guard