A Powerful Pair of Cowboy Boots
Engel shares an emotional story and valuable message with her teammates
Mike Brohard
She will see them first thing in the morning. They are there at the end of every day when she’s ready to get ready to go to bed.
The boots are a constant reminder for Delaney Engel, and depending on the day, they can invoke a wave of varied emotions for her. One will always stand true, which is she is trying to turn one awful day in her life into a positive message for those around her.
This will be tough week for Engel, which will mark six years from when her father, Toby, took his life by suicide. He had just dropped her off at school for swim practice, the two chatting about attending parent-teacher conferences a few days later. When a family friend came to get her halfway through the workout, she knew something was wrong.
“Grief is an interesting thing, because you have good days and you have really bad days,” Delaney said, now a senior on the Colorado State swimming and diving team. “And especially because I'm coming up on six years this week of his death, that it comes in waves. And some things that you don't think bug you do bug you. Certain songs, certain somethings that people say, right?
“And it definitely has. And then bringing it to my teammates, my family ... I think it has also helped heal a little bit of that for me. I started doing suicide prevention speeches two months after he died, and I wanted to continue that in some form when I got to college. But I didn't know how that was going to be. And this was the way. It spoke to me, and it hit me in the heart right where it needed to. And I have big goals and aspirations for it.”
The “it” for her was the Jae Foundation, an organization created by people who carried with them a similar story with heavy hearts. A tight group of friends from Pinedale, Wyoming, who all grew up together. They were close then and remained in touch as lives advanced to college and eventually careers.
Their shock was finding out one day their friend, who they all felt was doing great, took his own life. It took some time, the floating of different ideas, when one random gift – a pair of boots bought by founder Jason Vickrey for a friend at the store Bing’s parents owned, the Cowboy Shop, would lead to another session with business leaders and more boots bought with Bing in mind. One of those pairs, worn by a father, led to a conversation with his daughter after she mentioned he never wore boots. He told her why he had then, then she opened up to him about her struggles.
The goal of finding a way to turn heartbreak into a positive outreach was found. Bing loved to wear his boots, and now they were to become a symbol of a movement, one with programs directed toward high school seniors, retreats for groups and the creation of Jae’s Place in Twin Falls, Idaho, a store selling boots and apparel to help support the foundation.
Two years ago, the program was suggested to Delaney’s mother, Jody. Delaney went with her brother, Brogan, and two of her close friends on the team, Claire Wright and Leigha O’Connor. The impact was immediate.
“We went through the whole program, and it was so inspirational and amazing to have two of my best friends sit next to me and see them impacted by it. They're both sitting next to me, they're crying, and just how impacted they were by it. Because I live this every single day,” Delaney said. “This is my story. This is my life as a suicide survivor. And to see them impacted like they were, I was like, this is awesome, this is amazing, this is exactly what we need to do. Because nine times out of 10, we'll do a suicide prevention thing and they say -- I don't know what to call it -- symptoms of suicide, the signs of suicide, is people can't get out of bed, they're super depressed, and that's just not the case.
“That was not the case in my story. My dad was the center of every room when he walked in. And we didn't know, nobody would have ever known. So, this, I think, really homes in on the fact that it can happen to anyone.”
I have multiple pairs, but these are special. They're different.Delaney Engel
Julie Mackey, one of Bing’s childhood friends who is now an outreach coordinator with the foundation, was awed by Delaney immediately. Unfortunately, part of the bond was the story they shared.
Mackey could tell the program struck a chord with the young lady. Partly helping her with her own grief, the other part giving her a purpose.
“When we did this it was incredible to just see like her heart afterwards and kind of share a little bit more of what she had gone through. Obviously, I lost my dad, so we also got to share that,” Mackey said. “But for her, I just saw like a spark, a kind of light that she wanted to help share this with other people. So last year when they decided to do this with the CSU swim and dive team, they've just taken it into their hands. It really got the athletic department and their coaches and everybody on board.
“But yeah, she said it made an impact as opposed to the other programs and different things that they had gone through.”
Delaney and Wright took the message to coach Christopher Woodard and then to athletic administration, which was moved to help aid the team’s involvement. Last year was the first time the team met with Mackey, with each member of the team picking out a pair of boots.
What the boots are a symbol to start is conversation – a “Boot Check” -- and the foundation uses the slogan, “These boots are made for talking.” First with oneself, to be honest about how they are actually feeling. The foundation has an eight-point checklist of aspects of life which can impact mental health, from relationships to finances and a host of other factors in between.
There’s a checkmark for each, and the checkmarks use the stoplight system – green for good, red for not. Should three fall into the red category, it should alert one to seek help.
The second boot check is to talk to someone else in your life. Not just a simple text, but a real conversation. With depth and caring. Seeing the boots should trigger both types, which is why they are supposed to be situated somewhere where the owner can see them daily.
Ross Barr, Colorado State’s assistant athletic director for student-athlete mental health and performance was on hand, and his feeling is the boots are a powerful mechanism.
“Extremely. I mean, from the time you got a little kid that's scared to go to school, and you give them a stone that reminds them of you, to something like this, it carries the meaning of mental health and suicide and care, love, and protection,” Barr said. “There's just all kinds of meaning you can put into something.”
The team went to the Boot Barn in Johnstown on Saturday, introducing the 12 freshman on the roster, as well as a trio of returners who couldn’t attend last year, to the program. Mackey spoke to them of the origins, then sent them out into the store to find their Jae boots.
Some of them had never owned a pair, but each found a set which spoke to them in one way or another. The foundation raises money for such excursions, and many of the parents from last year’s team paid it forward – with help from the athletic administration – for the newcomers to take part.
When they all came back together, Mackey spoke to the team, as did Delaney and Wright. Those gatherings are some of the most powerful moments Mackey says she incurs in her travels, which kept her on the road 180 days last year.
The chance to speak, or the willingness to do so, could be all a person needs.
“That's the most important thing, right? It's because Jae was that guy that you thought was on top of the world,” Mackey said. “You can't look at anybody and know what they're going through, so to just slow down and have those honest conversations like, ‘hey, no, how are you really doing?’ But for the person that's not doing OK, for them to be honest, right? It's a two- way street. I'm not OK. What do I have to do about it? How do I get that help?
“The boots are that tangible reminder. They remind you to check in, but not only check in with others, but check in with yourself. And so, it's a cool platform to have just bold conversations. And then you can see in this group, they were very vulnerable at the end. They wanted to talk about it. I think people want to be given the opportunity to share that they're safe enough with the people that they trust.”
Mackey talked to initiate, then she listened. Teammates shared their feelings, as well as some tears.
The team now has bi-weekly boot checks where Delaney or Wright leads the conversation through one of the checkmarks, inspiring the team to be honest with themselves.
If there is a checkmark in yellow, they can listen to their teammates describe what they do to make their mark green, suggesting ways which may work for someone else.
“We sit down as a team, and we go through the results. So it could be that we're like 60% in the yellow, and we're like, ‘OK, well, what are some ways that people in the green, what are they doing in order to be successful in this?’’ Delaney said. “Then people share how they think that we can move more people into the green. And then it just forces you to sit down and do self-reflection. They probably take 10 to 15 minutes.
“Again, it's really great conversation with the team. And then we are tracking the growth that we're seeing as well. So that's been pretty awesome.”
As Mackey talked to them about what the boots should spark in them when they see them, she reminded the group they serve a deeper purpose. They aren’t just to look at, but to wear, particularly on those bad days. On those occasions, slip them on as a reminder each of them hold a purpose, each of them is loved.
Those boots, she told the team, carry power. There are more than 18,000 Jae boots in the world and they carry a message and invoke the power for someone to be bold, inclusive, nimble and generous, the letters in the Bing name. Not just with others, but themselves. Seeking help when the time comes.
Slide them on and remember. And should someone ask about them, open up.
Such as the time the entire team wore their Jae boots – on deck in their suits -- at the Mountain West Championships in Houston last season. Delaney knows they drew some strange looks, but people did ask, and the story could be told. Then, while she was swimming the 1,650-yard freestyle – she could see her teammates waving her on, which is normal. Them doing so while they had their boots on their hands, not so much.
Not necessarily the intended purpose of Jae boots, but the message was clear – she could make it through something hard.
Delaney feels power in hers, which is why she picked a prominent place.
“I keep my boots separate from my shoes in my closet. So, every time when I open my closet, I see them,” Delaney said. “When I take my clothes off at the end of the day, put them in the laundry, I see them. So, I'm probably seeing them three to four times a day.”
“Again, I have multiple pair of boots. These were not my first pair of boots. Growing up, with my grandparents as ranchers and farmers, I have multiple pairs, but these are special. They're different. I put them on for a concert two weeks ago, and they're special. They're different. Every time you put your foot in them, you know that they're Jae boots.”
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